Sunday, June 05, 2005

New Jesus Stud Calendar a Disappointment


(Jesus - October spread)


(Jesus - March Spread)

I usually approve of just about anything Jesus does, but I think his new “stud calendar” is just tasteless. It objectifies our Lord and Savoir Jesus Christ as nothing more than a piece of meat, no matter how good he might look.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Jesus, and I’m pretty sure he loves me, but is taking off your top and greasing yourself up really the best way to promote religion and raise a little money? It’s a slippery slope. First you allow divorce, then you allow goodly ladies to reveal their ankles, next thing you know we’re all dancing naked in the street and Jesus is posing nude in a calendar! Morals are not flexible. What was righteous and decent then is righteous and decent now. Sometimes I wish we could go back to a time when religion dictated everything we do so that we weren’t so immoral now.

As President and spokesperson for every man, woman and child in this country, I think the government should intervene… just a little!... so that religion doesn’t head down that slippery slope of impropriety any longer. By religion I mean Christianity (because let’s face it, there’s only one way to get to heaven, and I’ve got the key). So look out Episcopalians, I’ve had my eye on your left wing hippie nonsense for a while now…

6 comments:

Isaac said...

Yeah, damn them Episcopalians.

snaars said...

Does it matter, really, if Jesus poses nude? He doesn't hold a candle to you, no way, no how! You represent "every man, woman, and child in this country," and how many people does Jesus represent? Nobody, really! I mean, even Christians are supposed to represent him, not the other way around!

Let's see ... there's about 2.1 billion nominal Christians in the world today ... they are supposed to represent Him, so we take the inverse .... Realize, this is going to be a conservative estimate, since most people believe in a theistic god, of whom Jesus is purportedly only a third ... take into account he was never officially elected to public office, so at most he represented twelve people during his lifetime, and all of those are gone, but we'll count them anyway, what the hell ... as long as we're looking at history, we'll take out the ones who obviously didn't follow his teachings - I mean, the Crusades? What were those guys thinking? Carry the 2 ...

This rough estimate leads me to believe that Jesus has represented a total of 32.7 people on the entire planet, for all of history!

You represent what, close to three hundred million, as we live and breathe?

marie said...

God is life,you are death.you'll be punished by him

nathan said...

marie is the second smartest person, behind me.

itsmedad said...

wow, see you in hell. bring ice water.

Anonymous said...

Look Mr.Bush just get this straight :
Women can dress any fuckin way they want!
They can show there anckles, or even thier neese!
You are so religiouse!
GOD DAMN IT!'
Presidents shouldent be that god damn religiouse!
And FYI theres somthing called the freedom of press??
Ever heard of it??
SO it you like it or not we are gonna publish that!!!!!