Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Do the Iraqis really want us in Iraq?

We sent a team of 200 pollsters door to door in Iraq to find out, and the response was overwhelming. 58 of the nearly 59 pollsters who returned said that support for our troops in Iraq is high!

Tom Tancredo of Colorado says we should bomb Mecca if terrorists use a nuclear weapon against our cities… stick with me here, this may get a little hard to follow…

Question: Who is Godzilla?

Answer: The Japanese cinematic manifestation of nuclear destruction…

My point is; what would scare the shit out of our Islamic enemies more than nuclear weapons and a threat to blow up their most holy of holy sites?

Answer: Mecca Godzilla. Need I say more?

Monday, July 25, 2005

Sandy Dry Ol'Cooter

That's what I think of Sandra Day O'Connor for quitting. That's right, that's what she did! She's a quitter. Most people think I would be excited to pick a new Supreme Court Justice. They would be stupid and wrong. Picking a new Supreme Court Justice is hard, and takes a lot of work. It's hard work! I know how hard it is, and it is going to take a lot of work. To be honest, the only thing with the word Supreme in it that I like to pick is usually thin crust and made by Red Baron.

"OOoooh, my husband has alzheimers..."

Tough shit lady, wipe the sand out of your cooter and get back on the bench. There's no crying in Supreme Court Justicing.