Saturday, October 15, 2005

Does anybody else smell sulfur?

Massive tsunami kills 275,000
Death toll from Hurricanes Katrina and Rita tops 1,000
Subway bombing in London kills 40
Pandemic bird flu kills hundreds and threatens the world
Earthquake in Pakistan kills 40,000
Gas prices skyrocket and kill my polls
Chief Justice Rehnquist dies, at least one dead
CBS picks up Ted Danson for another season

I get the distinct feeling something bad is about to happen to the people of earth, or that something bad is happening to the people of earth. It seems like everyday things just keep getting worse and worse, and now “scientists” are predicting the bird flu pandemic could soon begin spreading from person to person with a kill ratio of 1 in 2. I just… I just get the distinct feeling God might be trying to punish us for our arrogant ways… or maybe he’s trying to punish us for not being arrogant enough. I’ll have one of my secretaries look into that.

(alongside unusually warm weather patterns in the last decade, I’ve been noticing an increased number of horsemen running through my front yard, which white house aid Stephen Johnson has assured me is attributed to the Earth's natural fluxuation in horsemen)

At least the Iraq insurgency has been quelled and American service men have stopped dieing.