Tuesday, February 08, 2005

On my ipod - N.E.R.D.

So I’m walking down the street yesterday and I tripped over a homeless guy. He was one of those crotchety old men who think that because they fought in a war before you were born that they somehow deserve something extra, like my respect. Then he has the audacity to ask me for spare change! Someone needs to do something about all the homeless people, so I’ve been brainstorming some ideas with Dick lately and I think we came up with some really good stuff…

Pros – they’re out of my way
Cons – they’re in someone else’s

Pros – they’re gone for good
Cons – semi-illegal, also disposal issues

Out-Reach Programs:
Pros – (nothing comes to mind, I’ll try to think of something later)
Cons – money, we all know the US government doesn't use money it doesn’t have

Then it dawned on me… what do hobos love least? Answer: being ridiculed and beaten unmercifully at the hands of police guided robots!

(This is an artist’s rendering [my rendering] of what the new state of the art Anti-Hobo Robots will look like in the process of beating and ridiculing the homeless…)

The hardest part of beating and ridiculing the homeless is locating them, that is why we will stage mock canned food drives to draw them close enough so that we can beat and ridicule them. I have also set aside several million dollars in US aid money to build homeless shelters, so that on cold winter nights the homeless can come to rest in our facilities, where we will then proceed to lock the doors and unmercifully beat and ridicule them.

The future is here...

1 comment:

Pilot said...

Bravo Mr. President, another brilliant plan. GOD BLESS AMERICA!