Monday, January 03, 2005

Qatar - Pronounced "Dickless"

The Indian Ocean takes all the fun out of my unanimous election victory. I offered 35 million dollars in relief funds - almost as much as my entire inauguration party is going to cost - and the unprepared pricks called me stingy (it is going to be a huge party too; it'll be in a skating rink with cake and pinatas and even a small basketball hoop made out of gold). But I didn't cave into claims America was being cheap, I just didn't want to donate less than those bastards from Qatar. Who do they think they are? They're making us look bad. Mental note; bomb Qatar.

So I wrote out our 350 million dollar donation on the biggest damn check you've ever seen. It really got me in the giving mood, well not so much in the mood, but I wound up handing out oversized check after oversized check to all these different charities because Rumsfeld says it makes me look good... I think he's right too - plus it's a lot of fun. So I've decided to handle all of my purchases with oversized checks from now on. A gallon of milk might not cost a lot, but when you pay for it with a check the size of a small man... well it just makes you feel big.


(I bought an oversized hat with an oversized check! The novelty of it all makes me pee my pants just a little bit.)

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

So wait - was it $35 million or $350 million? C'mon George, this blog is my sole source of international news, I need some consistancy here.

Anonymous said...

Bush offered 35 million originally, then everyone said he was cheap and he raised it to 350 million.

duncanini said...

actually it is 35 million, george added an extra zero accidentally in his speech.

maybe he'll use some of that political capital he earned in the last election?

he would never dream of using money earmarked for his inauguration or the iraq war, right?

Fuzzy Turtle said...

BWAH! Funny picture.

Big hat on a fat head... AHAHAHAHAAaaaa.....

Yang said...

Japan outbid the US...

they gave $500 million

...still no emergency congress is called to give more funds...