Monday, December 20, 2004

Why I hate my family...

My parents make it a point of bringing up the one officially evil thing I've ever done in my life. Ok, yes Mom and Dad - I got drunk and stole a Christmas tree. Yes it was wrong. Yes it was even a little bit evil, but I haven't done it since! It was the Winter of 1966, I was at Yale drinking too much Jaggie with the ol' college chums when I mentioned it would be hilarious/cheaper to steal an already decorated Christmas tree from someone's house instead of purchasing one at the local Christmas tree lot (still not the worst thing I've ever done...). Ever since then, Dad sends out the family Christmas card with this police sketch-artist's rendering which eventually lead to my arrest (See Photo)...

My Dad also never forgets to send the police description of me along with the Christmas Card, "Caucasian male - dark green skin, brown eyes, 5'11", medium build. Suspect George Walker Bush wanted for disorderly conduct, theft of a Christmas tree and public urination near the cities of New Haven and Whoville, Connecticut."

To be fair, I was only arrested for disorderly conduct, and the charges were eventually dropped. Nowadays when I want something illegal done, I just send the FBI to go do it for me. They balked the last time I asked them to steal a tree though...

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

What happened? This site used to be funny.....

Anonymous said...

What happened? This site used to be funny.....

duncanini said...

Bush was re-elected. Nothing is funny anymore. (actually, I think this blog is still hellarious despite Bush's win!)

Anonymous said...

You said it my friend. The laughter has to continue if we are to keep our sanity through the next four years. Besides, we still live in the good old USA so anything is possible if we put our keen yet sometimes jaded minds to the task. The fact that this site is still going strong is easily proof positive of my pervious line.

Anonymous said...

Yeah W, you can’t ask the FBI to do anything about trees or Liquor these days—both touchy subjects.

Anonymous said...

this is garbage