Jimmy Hoffa Found, Reunited with Family

I wake up in the morning, flip it to Fox News and am immediately barraged with a sea of bad news and slanderous opinions typical of the liberal media at that station. They’re always on my back about our intelligence capabilities. Sure, Fox News has never publicly denounced any of our wiretapping or phone trolling operations, and sure, they’ve even gone so far as to defend it as a necessary evil in our nation… but they chose to report it when they could have just looked the other way. Homocommiejizzbags.

But finally! The pinko queers in charge of the liberal media at FOX have finally begun reporting on something our intelligence community actually did right!

Now the FBI hasn’t divulged all the facts yet, and I don’t want to be premature here… but I feel like a teen again, with my hand down the panties of America and I can’t stop myself from secreting the trut… OOHHH GOD! WE FOUND HIM! WE FOUND JIMMY HOFFA! Ohhh lord, does anybody have a Kleenex?

Yes, 31 years after his disappearance, the FBI got to the bottom of Jimmy Hoffa’s case. Well, not officially, but he is as good as found. Watch out Mr. Number 1 on the FBI’s most wanted… we’re starting from the bottom and working our way up the list to crack all those unsolved crimes. Who is number 1 on that list anyway? Is it still MLK?

(Now that the riddle of Hoffa�s body has been solved, the FBI is seeking information on the where-abouts of members of the Showaddywaddy gang in attempts to finally uncover who put the bop in the bop-sh-bop-sh-bop. Have you ever seen a more suspicious looking group? My bet is we�ll have the black guy in prison in less than 24 hours.)