Land of the Free and Home of the Afraid of Everything

I believe it was the late great Richard Nixon who said, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” Well that’s bullshit. Here is a list of things the government thinks you should be afraid of:

Iraqis
Terrorism
Homosexuals
Immigrants
Losing shit job to illegal immigrants
Other Americans
Zombie Jesus
Taxes
Terrorists
Intellectuals
Terrorists posing as intellectuals
New Yorkers
Coloreds
God’s Wrath
Terror
Zombie aborted fetuses
Rock and/or Roll
Rap
Gangs, but not guns
The sex out of wedlock
Tainted moral fiber
SAN FRANCISCO

Some say the Republican Party has turned America into a bunch of whimpering paranoid pussies, but I like to think we’ve made the American people more aware of the unheard of dangers that lurk in every single shado - LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU! Hehe, just keeping you on your toes. Remember this country is not, and never has been safe from anything ever. Don’t let the democrats convince you that you shouldn’t be afraid, because if you aren’t, the - OH MY GOD YOU’RE GOING TO DIE! Scared yet?