Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Ashcroft "Resigns"

Well Attorney General John Ashcroft will have to resign for my second term, partly because of his unwavering support for the Patriot Act, his extreme religious views and his strong anti-abortion stance, but mainly because of his controversial “No Child Left Behind Act.” I know what you’re thinking, but no, it is not in any way related to my education act of the same name; it is quite a bit more gruesome.



Ashcroft heard some rumors about a messiah born somewhere in the country and he was afraid religious nuts might start worshiping him and take away from our power; long story short, he pretty much wants to kill American children. I tried reasoning with him; I explained there were other ways to kill Americans – discreetly! The man is a little nutso for the religion – I say anyone who’s that into religion has some confidence problems… Well I hate to see him go, but at least it will be a little quieter around the White House without him.

7 comments:

duncanini said...

Hey George, are you and Johnny sharing the grecian formula? I've noticed over the last week your hair has become considerable less gray than it was during your campaign.

Why not let your true hair color show through?

Afraid of growing old or appearing old?

Aging is a part of life. Doesn't the Rapture relieve you of all pain from death as well as responsiblities?

Fess up!

Anonymous said...

That is right Mr. Bush the time of your demise is close at hand. We the followers of the great order of “ The One the comes to replace the One that was before Him and wasn’t that nice” otherwise know as the “TOTCTRTOTWBHWTN” or something like that, have seen the three stars, or radio antennas, in the night sky pin pointing the trailer park where he has been born. We shall soon arrive at this destination and take the messiah into our covenant, or some facsimile there of, and he shall lead us into a new order, striking down the old regime and ushering in the new paradise, where of course you are not invited. He shall let loose a host of small and large furry creatures that will overrun the White House and tear down your wall of tyranny. We shall also, lower the prices of all fast food, especially Chic Fillet, and raise the minimum wage through out the country. We shall throw off the yoke of Middle East oil and bring in the age of hydra animal electric power (don’t ask us to explain because it’s a secret) for our vehicles. And if we may paraphrase the great Spaniard in the movie The Gladiator “The time for honoring thyself will soon be at an end!” Oh yeah, and just to reiterate, Russell Crowe and Condi Rice are invited into our new paradise but not you!

Anonymous said...

Ummm... i was down until you said Condi Rice and Russel Crowe will be there. They suck. What the hell kind of new reliegeon is this? George, good call Ashcroft had to go... Also, please here this everyone... FRIENDS DON"T LET FRIENDS STEAL VACCUUMS!!!
Join the Anti-Vaccuum Theft Coalition Today!!

Anonymous said...

Did we fail to mention that Brooke Burke and Halle Berry shall bask in the light of our new paradise as well—but not W of course. Hey W, can we use your ranch for one of our meetings—pretty please?

Anonymous said...

Anti-Vaccuum Theft Coalition? Sounds like an axis of evil to me or else we can use it to replace Poland. Do they even know they are in a war to save the world from stuff…

Anonymous said...

I'm a little slow on the draw here.. but I saw in comments awhile back someone who wanted to marry this blogger.. and I'm seriously going to have to second that!

Anonymous said...

I'm a little slow on the draw here.. but I saw in comments awhile back someone who wanted to marry this blogger.. and I'm seriously going to have to second that!