Electronic Voting

Some people are worried about Electronic Voting because they say my administration might take advantage of its flaws, but did you know that those Electronic Voting machines use the same reliable Windows Operating System which never crashes on your home computer? I wouldn't know, because I use a Mac, but I hear that Windows has had very few, if any, security breeches, so there is absolutely no chance whatsoever that some disgruntled twenty-something with nothing to lose and an enflamed ego, upset with the world and its current politics, will ever get past the impenetrable fortress that is – Windows.

Besides, what are the odds that voting could get screwed up two elections in a row? I trust the American people (every last one of them, even the 6.9 million Americans in prison or on parole [that’s only 3.2 % of the population!]), don’t you?

Well, I trust everyone except the Arab-Americans, because they come from the Fertile Crescent, and that sounds like an innuendo for a moon shaped vagina - which both confuses, and scares me.


(Fertile Crescent... or sideways vagina?)