Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Two Easy Steps to Dodge the Draft (not that I'm planning on re-instating it... yet, muhaha)

I tried those new Crest Whitestrips the other day (product plug!) and all I got was a stomach ache. They went down fine, but round bout 15 minutes later I felt like throwing up – Price I pay for not taking the time to read warning labels/instruction manuals.

Finally got a Gmail account!

I gotta give the good people at Google my next war contract. They can help rebuild the infrastructure of Iran when I bomb the shit out of them. I suppose I’m getting ahead of myself because that’s not until after the election. Must be bad luck or something to start another war right before an election, everyone is telling me to hold my horses, but damn I just wanna get in there and knock down some more statues. Feels like my old frat days; except less draft dodging. Hehe, I kid, I didn’t dodge the draft, it dodged me.

But seriously, I can’t wait to start drafting kids again. But I bet just saying the word “draft” gets half the American people’s panties in a bunch. Really there is nothing to be worried about, if someone really does not want to fight there are ways to get around it like faking your own death, or you could kill an American, cause that’s illegal and will get you sent to jail for 3 years. Loopholes – you just gotta look for them! It’s the trickle down effect; if you don’t fight, someone else will be there to take your place. We got millions of poor kids who don’t have any futures, the military and this war is the best thing that will ever happen to them. They go to war, get injured, come back heroes with medals and bright futures of working at Wal-mart; and they have great management opportunities.

It’s the circle of life…

Ingonyama bagithi baba!
Sithi uhhmm ingonyama!!
Siyo Nqoba!
Ingonyama nengw’enamabala!!!

From the day we arrive on the planet

And blinking, step into the sun
There's more to be seen than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done!!

-Elton John and some African chick from the lion king

(one of my favorite films)


Andrew said...

You can try to draft me all you want but the only draft i'll be doing is from a nice cold tap down at the tropical island pub

Anonymous said...

hahaahahhahahhaahahahaha bush sucks

Ruki said...

..I knew it. Those tooth-brushing things ARE evil.

Pickleberry said...

Last night my friends went on a diatribe about how evil you are. They even paralelled you to the anti-christ. Can you expound on this?

Nathan P. said...

hey, andrew, the only person who dodges a draft is a dumbass little bitch. So, you would be a dumbass little bitch.