Monday, September 06, 2004

Ban Rock Climbing and Free Ice Cream...

Dick said it was time we came up with some new campaign issues to gather steam and rally the country behind the Republican Party. Banning gays, he said, was out of the question because the Queer Eye show is too popular, and because banning gays could have complications with the ACLU. Regardless, I’ve been bouncing a couple of these controversial issues back and forth in my head…

A Constitutional Commandment Banning Rock Climbing,
Our Tentative Logo (check out the sweet Photoshop skills):

Now hear me out… rock climbers are hippies and smoke pot… if we get rid of rock climbing, we get rid of rock climbers and in the process get rid of hippies and weed. I did a little research about rock climbers on www.rockclimbing.com and found out that they are extremely bored people without jobs. They also don’t wear shirts very often…
Climbers banned = better, safer America.

Free Ice Cream Day:

We spend 87 billion dollars to buy every American ice cream one day in the middle of summer. 87 billion being an arbitrary number which could fluctuate plus or minus 50 billion dollars depending on whether Americans prefer Dove bars over ice cream sandwiches.

Resegregation:
Like desegregation, but the opposite.

White House Reality TV:
Now I’m still toying with this idea, and it’s not perfect yet... The White House is retrofitted with over 100 TV cameras, along with a small number of video cameras strapped to small mammals which will be allowed to roam the White House compound… Over the course of sweeps week, American viewers would be able to see how whacky the White House really is, which, coincidentally enough is what I would call the TV show… This Whacky White House / Wild and Whacky White House / Whacky Whitey or something to that effect.

I’m looking forward to getting some feed back on the issues, and to find out which issue the American people would really like to get behind.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

i choose the free ice cream, personally

Anonymous said...

I concur

Anonymous said...

i like the free ice cream.
also, that show seems like a good idea...i wanna see u choke on other food items

Anonymous said...

i have to agree with banning rock climbing, gay people also like it but not as much as hippies and stoners

Anonymous said...

George, the ACLU won't let you resegregate either. You're gonna have to call it something else. Think you'd have better luck with the ice cream idea and hope no one gets on you about the American obesity epidemic. Good luck!

-Dan Quayle

Anonymous said...

I'd vote for the free ice cream just because that picture of Bush holding the ice cream bar is hilarious!

Anonymous said...

The rock climbing bit is hilarious. Thanks, u made my day.

szen

Anonymous said...

we climbers will fight for our rights, MJ, and sleeping wherever we want! and we do not have boring jobs...we climb!!

Anonymous said...

see, the thing about climbers is that we are laid back, and most of us are pretty liberal. there are many more of us than you think, so i would imagine that trying to ban rock climbing will do nothing more than take votes away from you. you see, there are many places where rock climbing is already banned, but we go anyway. :)

genetic mishap said...

How about you combine the climbing/pot smoker thing and the free ice cream and one day the government buys free pot for everyone?